I don't do drugs, EXCEPT

...LSD, shrooms, ibogaine, iboga, ayahuasca, 5-meo-dmt, kambo, MDMA... But are those really drugs? I guess even food can be a drug if abused. My mind could be a drug if i let it, anyway back to the story...

Back in the day when I owned a TV and a couch and had a Netflix account (now i just steal my friends login to watch docs on my phone), I came across a movie called "DMT, the spirit molecule" and naturally afterwards I went on google trying to get my hands on the substance (epic fail and I don't know shit about dark web). Meanwhile I texted a guy I was dating at that time to tell him about my amazing discovery but he shut me down saying "So now you want to be a druggie". After bitch slapping him (in my head of course) to a point his face was purple and thinking what a closed minded asshole he was I forgot the whole thing and moved on with my life without becoming a "druggie". 

But it wasn't long until ibogaine found me and funny enough it found me close after that purple faced asshole dumped me.  I can handle a lot of shit, a lot of physical pain but I would lose it when people left. The feeling of loneliness was something I didn't know how to deal with (goes way back to when I was seven and my mom left, I woke up one day and she was gone) and to avoid "dealing with it" I put my body through lots of suffering and mind numbing addictions. Enter Ibogaine (and if you don't know what that is, fucken google it that's what I did but apparently not well enough). I found a place in Mexico - of course I researched the heck out of different places before committing to one...unfortunately what I didn't do was in-depth research on the plant itself. 

So I get to Mexico and it turns out the rest of my group is all men and one of them is the director of the DMT movie, he also directed the ayahuasca movie which he previewed for us at the resort. Everyone in the group but him and I had very strong drug addition and everyone but me knew a lot about all kinds of drugs and once they found out I had never done any of it they put me on the "drug virgin" pedestal from which they expected me to fall in a horrific way. I got worried once I found out ibogaine is probably the strongest out of all plant medicines out there. My brain split and one went : "here you go you impulsive fuck turd, you got what you deserve-runnnn!"( sadly, i still talk to myself like that yet I would never say that to someone else) , my other brain: "you got this girl! you can do it! " At the end, I figured these guys were bunch of pussies trying to scare me and they ended up talking one of the guys out of the whole thing (sorry dude, your $7K just went bye bye, no money back).  

The experience itself was...incredible (for me at least, the rest was too busy puking their guts out).  I also got to experience 5-meo-dmt which made the feeling of loneliness vanish. I have never felt so free, so connected and I have never felt so much love and happiness - EVER! The substance really makes you let go and surrender and once I did that all that was left was love, happiness, and beauty. 

After a week of deep healing I finally got back home and I started noticing weird things I was addicted to: morning news, my phone, fruits aka nature's candy and others. But all that was gone - I couldn't care less to be on my phone, I stopped watching TV all together because I noticed how angry it made me. I stopped carrying what people though of me. I felt like Jesus walking on water (I'm pretty sure he felt like that ...or at least after he did shrooms - news flash! Jesus did shrooms, re-read the bible if you don't believe me, he also did DMT). My close friends worried I would turn into hard core hippy (I love my wax too much for that) and that I would stop believing in God. I look at it this way, I have nothing to lose by believing in God (my form of God) and everything by not, so I just believe.

Since then my "spiritual journey" escalated. Other healing plants and substances found their way into my life when I needed them. I've been through many ayahuasca ceremonies and got my ass handed to me on several occasions but I have healed so much and released so much of subconscious junk that I wouldn't have it any other way. I have realized how much my subconscious was controlling my life. Anything from the way I moved to the relationships I had was directed by those believes that were imprinted in me before I was even born. I still have lots of healing to do but now I know I'm not alone and no matter what everything will be just fine...

PS: I might have talked Ben Greenfield into doing Kambo ...so if you see any kambo spots on him tell him I say "you're welcome"

- @biohacking.chick ;)

my psychedelic journey in summary                                                                                                Ibogaine > 5-meo-dmt > ayahuasca > kambo > shrooms > MDMA+shrooms >iboga> LSD > weed